Do you remember those moments when you have been so angry that you just wanted to scream out loud and scratch the hell out of the person who’s making you angry? Or maybe you have been so angry at yourself that you just wanted to break something? We all have felt angry more than a few times. It’s as natural and basic a human reaction as sadness, tears, love and happiness are. But it is a matter of worry if your bouts of anger are increasing in frequency and intensity. People often find it easier to be in denial than to admit that they have problems in controlling their anger. As a matter of fact, anger in itself is not a problem. As I stated above, it is a perfectly healthy emotion but it becomes a problem when it causes harm either to you or to others. You may been heard it many a times that it is better to vent out your anger than to bottle it up inside. Yes, it is not always advisable to ” hold in” your anger but venting it out doesn’t help either. You only end up refueling an already sensitive issue. While it is true you can’t control the situations you are in but you can certainly control your reactions to those very situations. Contrary to popular belief, anger management is not about suppressing your anger. It rather aims to make you learn better management of your anger and also promotes methods through which you can channel your anger constructively. Here are ten ways in which you can better manage your anger issues:
10. Be aware.
The first step in anger management includes your recognition of signs and warnings that trigger your anger. Anegr is a physical response. You may think that you “blow your top” but it actually isn’t that simple a reaction. Your body first prepares itself for a “fight or flight” situation. Learn to recognize the warning signals. These may include faster heartbeat, clammy hands, rapid breathing, problem in concentrating, clenched jaws et cetera. Once you recognize the signs, try to identify the reason behind them. It’s not always about what people say to you or behind your back. Sometimes problem lies in your interpretation. Try to think it through. May be you’ll see reason.
Once you have recognized your warning signals, accept that you indeed, are angry. Denial is one of the most common mistakes that people make when they are angry. Pretending that you’re not angry will not make your situation any better. It is always advisable to admit your anger either to yourself or to the person you’re getting angry at. It will not only slow you down but will also give you an opportunity to calm yourself down.
8. Mind your tongue. Period.
We all know how easy it is to say something in the heat of the moment. We, at times, don’t even realize the gravity of what we have said until the words are out of our mouth. So it is imperative to have a leash over your tongue. Verbal abuse is a serious offense and should never be taken lightly. It is better to be silent for a while. Gather your thoughts. Filter out all the abusive words and try to relate your anger to others in as clear a way as you can possibly manage. Your control over your speech even in the heat of the moment will surely be appreciated in the long run by others.
You may have seen parents ordering their child to take a time-out when he’s being unreasonably obstinate and angry. Well, guess what? It works for adults too! There are moments when a situation becomes stressful. You don’t have to tolerate it bravely all the time. Whenever you feel the situation is getting too stressful for you, take a timeout. Be alone for a while and mull over the whole issue in a calm manner. Silence is golden more than a number of times. It gives you the opportunity to introspect and articulate your tumultuous thoughts.
6. Chill out, dude!
Okay, so you know you are angry. What now? Do you want to add more fuel to the fire or do you want to cool it down. I know that adrenaline rush of anger can be pretty addictive. It gives you a wrong sense of power. But it also makes you say or do things that you generally end up regretting later. So it’s always better to give yourself a chance to cool down before going for the mental explosion. Cool you anger down before it spins out of control.
5. Narrow it down.
The title is explanatory enough. Narrow down the cause of your anger. It may take some time (after all, you’ll have to clear the mist of anger first) but it will surely allow to see if your anger over the matter is worth it or not. It will also allow you to tackle root of the problem.
4. No grudges, please.
Holding a grudge is the worst thing that you can do to yourself and to the recipient of your grudge. It means that you are deliberately holding onto your anger which should have been taken care of at that very moment. It’s unreasonable to expect everyone to behave in the manner that you want them to behave in. Forgiveness not only heals but also provides you with a sense of peace. it’s always better to let go of the tentacles of anger.
3. Look for solutions.
So, you have narrowed down the cause of your anger. Now, it’s easy to look for solutions. Always try to resolve the issue first.I know it can be a bit harrowing but believe me, you may surprise yourself. This way, you’ll not only keep yourself concentrated on the task but will also forget to be angry!
2. Channel your anger.
It is always better to channel your anger constructively. Harming yourself or the others will only make you miserable. So, learn to be constructive when you’re angry. You can always take out your anger through physical exercises. Go to the gym or go for a brisk walk. Use whatever tools that you can to bring your anger down. Try not to be destructive, however tempting the need be. You’ll only regret it later.
1. Seek help.
If you really feel that your anger has been spiraling out of control for quite some time now and that you are no longer capable of handling it yourself, then, seek professional help. There’s no shame in admitting that you need help. That’s what therapists are for! Your decision to seek out help only proves how determined you are to keep your anger issues at bay. It will only bring you happiness later.
People these days are more aware of behavioral issues that are generally hiding in disguise. It’s always better to look for a pattern in your recurrent behavior. If you are able to find one then, go on, and tackle it! If you feel that you have tried enough and yet, results delude you then, try sharing your problems with others. Talk to family and friends and need be, seek a professional. Only you can make your own life better and merrier.