12 Signs that you are in a Relationship with a Narcissist

In today’s age, where everybody is running in a race, the finish-line of which they themselves are unaware of; relationships are the root-cause of both happiness and despair. It really is heart-breaking to watch when you give your hundred percent in a relationship and the other person doesn’t even acknowledge it, let alone do for you as much as you do for them. These are the scenarios of dating a self-loving, egotistical person who would only cause you grief at every turn!

So, here is a list of things to help detect when you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
It is hilarious, in a sad way, when you end up in a relationship with a person who shows more affection and love for herself/ himself than they do for you! So, keep these scenarios in mind and keep safe distance from these people.

 

12. Do you usually end up in places of their preference without being asked for your own?

Although, it is cute if your partner plans surprise dates on fun romantic places with you, it will undoubtedly get aggravating if all of said dates happen on places of the other person’s preference with no consideration to you whatsoever- their favorite club; their favorite restaurant; their favorite beach etc. So, here’s the first of many clues- You’re dating someone who will always love themselves more than their ability to love you!

11. Do you get treated like a notorious child for eating in his car; or getting her favorite dress a bit rumpled?

We know that cars are the pride and joy of a guy as pretty dresses and jewellery is for a girl. But, do they really love you, as they claim to, if these materialistic things rank higher than you on their priority list? So, what if you got a little mayo on the expensive leather seat of his car or her new satin dress? It will wash off. No need to go all OCD on petty stuff like this.

10. Are you usually put on hold as they finish a conversation with a friend/colleague; and get scolded if/when you do the same?

Nobody likes to hear that annoying dial-tone when you are put “on hold”. It screams that there is a conversation more important than talking to you. Definitely, there are times when this is inevitable like a phone call from the boss or a mom. But, if you get shoved to the backseat just because your partner wants to talk about a football match with his buddy; or to gossip about the latest fashion disasters with her BFF, know that something is slightly off.

9. Are plans made by you usually cancelled upon because something “more pressing” came up?

We all try to understand if something from the office popped up last minute and cancel our dinner reservations with a sigh. But, if he bails out on you for a beer with his buddy or to shop with her friend, when they knew of your plans a week in advance, warning bells must go off! It shows that your partner’s level of excitement to spend quality time with you does not match up to yours.

8. Do you usually find yourself stuck in a movie that you hate?

It is a quality to be highly appreciated if you put your partner’s happiness before yours. But, if that goes wholly unnoticed and unappreciated, something is to be done. Sitting through two hours of violent bloodshed to make him happy is worth a great applause. But, what does it say about him that he didn’t flinch each time you were cringing and shivering in your seat while basically hating each second of that wretched movie? Or, how much does your girl care about your happiness if you are forced to sit through hours of tears and sap that depress you to no end? Take a hint! That’s what they have their friends for; you don’t need to torture yourself.

7. Do they usually forget birthdays or anniversaries; while planning for their friends’ birthdays a week in advance?

Now some might say that friendships have been there longer than love-relationships and it is second nature to remember the birthday of a friend you’ve known for over a decade than it is to remember of a partner you’ve been dating for a few months. But, in a nutshell, it is not about the duration of time you’ve known a person. If the person matters enough to you, you will set up reminders and post-it notes and set up other tricks to remind yourself. After all, if something really matters, you put in efforts for it. If not, saying you’re just not very good with dates, is a good way to escape.

6. Do you usually get a shirt/dress in a color you hate but your partner loves?

Now, sometimes it’s adorable that your partner wants to see you dressed in their favorite color; but upon knowing that it’s a color that you don’t particularly like? You need to see it for what it is. They care about how they see you far more than how you feel about yourself. Because, let’s face it, how long can you live with hating how you see yourself in the mirror just for that look of satisfaction on your partner’s face? And, what person who truly loves you would want to keep dressing you up in a color you hate? Join the dots.

5. Is your partner the one to order the food when you go out?

It is a sweet gesture, once in a while, if your partner orders your food for you knowing it’s something you would like. But, if you’re force-fed food that they find delicious and you only slightly enjoy, know where you stand in your partner’s priorities. And, why in the first place would you let someone order your food for you? You’re an adult and should be treated like one.

4. Are you usually forced to listen to music you hate because your partner loves it?

It is no shocker if your partner’s taste in music differs from your own. Where, guys love rock songs and rap, most girls swoon over boy bands and country music. What’s important is to respect each other’s choices and adjust accordingly. He should tolerate a little of Taylor Swift if he expects her to listen to Linkin Park. And, it should be blatantly obvious to you where you stand if your partner keeps playing their playlist when you’re out on a drive.

3. Do you usually get criticized for how you dress or get ready for a party?

Is your boyfriend always complaining about your dress being too tight or too shapeless; or your make-up too loud or not nearly enough? Does your girlfriend always whine about your shirt or your unmanageable hair whenever you go out? Don’t worry. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about you. You might have just fallen for a person with an over-inflated ego who is more bothered about if you look good enough to stand next to them or if you need a little more primping. Do yourself a favor and leave before too much hassle and heartache!

2. Do you always lose in an argument?

Arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship. What matters is if both of you look at each other’s perspectives before coming to any conclusion. If you’re dating a person who always makes everything about themselves, plays the victim and turns you in the bad guy without so much as considering your situation, just know that it’s not your fault. Don’t beat yourself over nothing! It’s not your fault that your partner is a master manipulator, but it is your fault if you don’t make a speedy-exit.

1. Do you feel like, no matter how hard you try, you’re just not good enough in your partner’s eye?

Is your partner someone who is very hard to please and basically finds fault with everything you do or do not do? Is your room always messy for them even if you’ve just finished cleaning it? Is your outfit still not perfect even after spending hours picking out just the right one? Are you selfish for buying tickets to a movie/game you enjoy after weeks of sitting through things you hate? Are you inconsiderate if you play your favorite song in their presence? Are you unromantic if you want to order food for yourself?

If more than half of these signs point towards the person you’re dating, know that you’re dating a narcissist. They would always love themselves more than you. You would never be good enough by just being you. Living with them would be like living a fake life. If you’re strong enough to handle that, stay. But, here’s to hoping that the amount of emotional turmoil doesn’t suck out your very essence from you.

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Anushka Malik

A wordy Libran who remains knee-deep drenched in fiction and bleeds poetry as best as she can. English Honours Student who aims to be the next 'Shelley's Soaring Skylark'. Only true literature lovers would understand my references to the fullest.

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