Laziness, sloth, sluggishness. There is no scale to measure their magnitude (I could very well have invented one had I been not too busy being indolent and languid all the time). All in all, a lazy person is the one who abhors any kind of activity, physical as well as mental. Nearly everyone gets bored to death if there’s nothing to do. Lazy people, my friend, are delighted at the prospect of having NOTHING TO DO. They don’t need to party on a Saturday night or go to the beach on a pleasant morning. They can keep themselves amused sitting at a fixed corner of the bed from dawn to dusk. Don’t believe it’s true? This is no overstatement for I’m a living testimony of the stated fact. Remaining idle is the dream and I can go hours with nothing to occupy me! To all the laid-back and nonchalant people out there, this list is all for you (hope you reach the end of the page though)!
‘Netflix and chill’ is the motto
The couch or the bed is your favorite place to be. You can’t picture a home without them. And going out seems to be a lot of work. Even if it’s just for fresher air. Putting on clothes, shoes and make up is not exactly the kind of thing you look forward to every day in life. Bite me if this is a lie!
You’re not supposed the refill the nachos
Then who is? You don’t care as long as they are getting regularly refilled. No matter how badly you want things, you’re not going to go get them. Are you? No. Because that would not be a very healthy compromise. Plus you have people around to get things done for you. You have always managed this way and you hope to continue doing the same. That’s the goal!
Your bed is a mess
What do you call a cell phone, a laptop, an iPod, a tablet, wrappers of dark chocolate, a can of Coke, a heap of clothes spread out on a single bed? A beautiful mess? Is that what the poet in you calls it? Everything you need has to be at the stretch of a hand. You’re much too – what’s the word am looking for, oh right – ‘lazy’ to get your headphone from the study table right next to your bed! So it has just positioned itself on your bed permanently.
You can sleep in denims
Yes and you can vouch for how cozy they are! You may be seduced by your PJs but you aren’t going to trouble yourself for their sake. That would be a solemn injustice. So you choose to sleep in the clothes that you are now wearing. Incidentally it’s the same pair of jeans you’ve been wearing in the last week every time you had to walk your dog. Hah!
Laundry is the devil
You dread doing laundry even when you practically have no clean piece of cloth to put on the next day to office or college. You will exhaust yourself thinking of all the doable options you ‘still have’ and when you’re doubly convinced that there is none, you know the time to face your fear has come. You can even beat Flash at doing laundry! So who’s the winner here?
Shower is toil
Taking a shower is an elaborate process that mankind can absolutely do without. Did I steal your thoughts? Aren’t there so many things you can do instead of having a bath? I’m not talking hiking or skiing, I’m suggesting just laying down and watching that episode of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ where Sheldon meets Amy Farah Fowler for the 19th time!
You’re tired of your alarm clock and vice versa
Sleeping is your favorite activity on earth. Needless to say, the alarm clock falls short of waking you up each morning. You two can never get along. Not in this life, not even in the next. It doesn’t matter how much you imagine and assume ‘tomorrow will be different’ while setting the alarm! It never is because you don’t really want it to be and you know it better than anybody. Don’t you?
You won’t change the TV channel if the remote is not where it should be
The remote has not gone MIA. It’s on the shelf beside the television (where it should be). But it’s okay, you don’t need it. You can watch an ‘infomercial’ for the next three hours on end, over and over again. After all, why would they make such programs if nobody bothered to watch them? What is more, you can apologize to Jimmy Fallon later!
You have never been to the gym
You’re incredibly jealous of the gym selfies in the Instagram feed of people. Who would want a body like that? One and all. Who would like to go to the gym? Not a soul. Your Instagram feed can suffer for there’s no middle ground to settle things! You can’t shed the sweat of your brow unless your survival is threatened by a superior species. Or not even then?
You curse when you drop stuff
Picking a thing up never occurs until you scream an abnormal number of swear words. You can’t stand any activity that would augment the work to be done. And things falling from your hands is catastrophic for God’s sake! You can’t bear anything playing with your spell of inactivity.
You make plans only to cancel
You give up on plans every other day. And you’re not ashamed. On top of that, you make an effort to justify and defend your love for your room. It may be a friend’s birthday party or your aunt-uncle’s marriage anniversary party. If you are as lazy as me, you must have stood up your date at least once.
You eat/drink straight from the container
What do you expect? Dinner in bone china? Forget about it. What’s the point when all the food is sooner or later getting to your stomach anyways? You can eat and drink from whichever place you like. Moreover, doing dishes is the cousin of doing laundry. Smart, lazy pants!
Did you make the cut? Are you lawfully and duly a lazy person? If so, very well done and a hearty welcome to the club!