‘You’re such a jerk! I don’t want to talk to you ever again, and don’t try to contact me,’ *door SLAMS* and with that, your girlfriend is out the door!
If you have ever been in a relationship, then you have come face to face with this moment at least once. When the disagreements have been put forward, arguments have been heard and dismissed, and screaming disappointment hurled at each other; you find yourself sitting on the couch thinking, ‘How do I make this right?’
There is no way to have a perfect or fight-free relationship, despite what some relationship coaches might say. There will always be some sort of conflict between a couple, no matter how ‘compatible’ they are. We love, we fight, we reconcile and love all over again; that’s what we do! Now the reconciliation, or getting back together, is the hard part. It is a long and tedious step process, and being gripped by anger and feeling a flurry of emotions after a fight doesn’t exactly help. You are hurt, but so is your girlfriend, and probably more than you (always assume she is more hurt)! So if you don’t want to be alone in that king-sized bed, secretly sobbing into a pillow, here are a few tips you should follow to make it right to your girlfriend.
10. Hit the Pause button
When fighting, both the sides tend to go into this totally irrational state where pride and anger are paramount, and there’s no space for good old reason. We lose sight of what’s important. In our ardent desire to emerge victorious and be proclaimed ‘Right‘, we forget that we’re both supposed to be on the same side! So the first thing you can do is take a little breather, anything that calms you down and gets the ugliness out of your head. Not all fights can be resolved in one sitting, definitely not when you are red with rage and spitting fire. So go take a walk or hit the gym to vent out that anger. This might give your girlfriend time to calm down too, if you’re lucky, and it’ll be that much easier for you to patch things up with her.
9. Talk It Out
It might seem like a good idea to stay mum once the flames have cooled down a bit, but it is NOT. Your girlfriend was fighting with you for a reason. There are complaints and resentments that need to be addressed, and trying to sweep them under the rug is going to set the rug and your relationship on fire! So sit down and talk to her, let her vent. She is going to feel much better after putting it all out on the table, and your understanding and caring approach in the matter might even fetch you some points.
8. Own up to Your Half of the Fight
It takes two to have an argument, and believe it or not, you equally contributed to things getting out of hand. Admitting to her that you were wrong too, is not only the right thing to do, it’ll also get you on the track to patch things up. Admit to her that if only you’d been a saner and calmer you, the fight would not have turned into a blazing fireball. She needs to hear from you that she isn’t to blame(completely) for killing the peace in your happy relationship. So be a man and own up to your part in the fight. She will be relieved, and she just might admit that she was wrong in some ways, too!
7. Time for some Gifts
This might sound a bit shallow, but what girl doesn’t love gifts? No matter what mood your girlfriend is in, a thoughtful gift is always welcome. Bring in her favourite flowers and a big ‘I Am Sorry’ card, never fails. The amount of money you shell out on the gifts purely depends on how big a fight you just had. Flowers, cards and chocolates do good for regular scuffles. But if you just had ‘The Fight‘ which almost ended in a breakup, then maybe you need to dig really deep into your wallet! Make sure to put a lot of thought into your gifts, you can’t just calm a raging girlfriend with any trinket.
6. Hugs are Free
Nothing says ‘I care for you‘ like a nice big, warm hug. The person being hugged instantly feels protected and loved, and that is exactly what you want to relay on to your girl after a fight. A simple hug will let her know that you still love her the same way, and the relationship is more important to you than any stupid argument. It might be hard to come up with nice things to say after you spent the last few hours verbally assaulting your girlfriend, so hugs can come in handy. Don’t force it though, as some girls might need a little time after the fight to cool down. Bide your time, hugging a raging girlfriend might just result in burns!
5. Be her Genie
Trust me, it’s not as hard as it sounds. You don’t have to go around granting every wish she makes. Do something for her or get her something that she’s wanted for a long time, or even something that she mentioned needed to be done. Basically anything that shows her that you’ve been listening to her even when she thinks otherwise (God be your saviour if you haven’t been listening)! Do this, and your girlfriend will know how much you really care for her and small arguments aren’t going to change that. And trust me, you are going to feel the greatest of joys after doing this for her.
4. You Love Her, now Show it
We might not be the ‘feelers‘ in a relationship but that shouldn’t stop us from showing our love to that special someone. Being insanely mad at you makes it easy for your girlfriend to forget how much you really love her, do not let that happen. It’s vital to give her space and time to heal, but make sure you let her know that you are going to be there waiting, so she doesn’t take too long and learns to live without you. Send her an appreciation card listing all the little things you love and she does for you, that you’ve come to take for granted. Let her know how much you appreciate her being in your life, and don’t let your machismo come in the way.
3. Apologize, and better Make it Count
Unarguably the most crucial and hard step on the way back to playful mornings with your girlfriend. If you genuinely want to make things right, there’s no way around this step. If it was your fault, apologize and let her know that you’ll strive to never let it happen again. If it wasn’t your fault, still apologize for responding in kind to your girlfriend’s flaring temper! This will show her that you’re willing to swallow some pride to save your relationship, and she might try herself to make it up to you in the near future. Cook her a nice meal, or write a cute apology note(as cute as you can be). You don’t have to be Shakespeare for the note to work, it’s the effort that matters!
2. Surprise your Girlfriend
Distraction is certainly a good way forward if nothing else is getting your loved one to lose those flaring nostrils. Plan something different, something exciting, something that you haven’t done as a couple in a while. Maybe a trip somewhere lovely or just a night of club hopping, whatever excites your girlfriend more! Bring out your more loving side and remind her why you love each other. Do this by digging up pictures from happier times in the past or make a scrapbook of your goofiest, funniest escapades together. Engage in similar fun activities that you like doing together but haven’t because of choked up schedules or a million other reasons.
1. The Make Up Sex
Well, no fight with your girlfriend is complete without engaging in a round (or a few) of make up sex. It is like a finishing move that signals the end of the fight and puts the whole ugly affair behind you, hopefully for good. This works every time, because let’s admit it, sex makes everyone happy! But it’s more than that. It allows both the parties to channel out their pent up tension and frustration, freeing them from anger and resentment, giving rise to a happier couple. Make up sex is like relationship therapy. Your relationship went through the grinder during the fight, now you have the chance to reconnect with your loved one on the deepest of emotional levels. Also it is one of the most amazing and intense experiences you are going to have in bed, so that is definitely a plus!
Fighting is important for any relationship. It adds some spice to an otherwise monotonous affair, and allows you to get closer to your partner while trying to patch things up. Just keep in check the damage it does and be swift to repair it, and you should be good to go.