We spend every waking hour of our lives behind a pair of artificial lenses. We are left with nothing but to say ‘no’ to any 3D movie (in most cases). We can’t go in swimming. We knock ourselves with the walls during our midnight trips around the house. We have to check for dirt and sweat on our glasses all the time. We can’t even make out how we look without our glasses on and we speculate if it’s practically possible to go completely blind someday. How pathetic do you think all this is? We are habitually referred to as the “four eyed” guy or girl because our glasses have irrefutably become a part of us. Now, do you think I’m describing you? Yes? Then look out for 12 more things!
Finding the right frame is a herculean task
Trust me on this. Shopping for frames is HARD, unlike the other kinds of shopping. I can never really get what looks good on me and even after I have bought one after much deliberation, I’m never entirely satisfied and contented. Will this go with all my dresses? Will this work both during the day and the night? What if this goes out of fashion?
‘You must be a nerd’
All geeks are not bespectacled nor are all bespectacled geeks. To make things easier, reading can adversely affect one’s eyesight, all the same a voracity for reading doesn’t quite add up to thicker glasses. A person who is widely read may boast of a perfect vision as well!
Remembering to carry your glasses wherever you go
Yes, and even those spare ones you have! You’re off to trekking and you hear this little voice inside you, “Take those extra glasses. You just can’t afford to go blind on a trek!” We can afford to get blind neither on a trek nor on a sleep over! Not pleasing.
You can positively curse the rain on a hot and sweaty summer day
What else can you do to something that blurs the world around you and turns one of your five senses futile and ineffectual? Rain is NOT respite. Imagine taking off your glasses and wiping them off every 15 seconds in the middle of the road. And getting hit by a car. Not funny.
Taking a shower is not painless
Because you can’t have your glasses on in there. Where can you hunt for the new conditioner you were so excited to try just a minute ago? In which shelf did you put the lotion? To conclude, taking a shower is fraught with pain.
Not recalling where you saw your glasses last
You forget where you put your glasses before applying the face pack and a panic attack ensues because you need your glasses to search for your glasses! You have checked all the drawers, below the bed and on the washing machine. Besides shouting at people around you (that is, if there are any), you leave a sigh, ‘Please come back to me. I won’t ever leave you alone.’
You don’t want to leave an air conditioned room (more than anybody)
Changes in temperature dismay you. As soon as you step out into the heat, your glasses fog up. And it’s not exactly what you would ordinarily and typically call a pretty sight, you know. It’s even less pretty on the other side of those glasses. Oh the struggles we have to endure till the day of judgement. For every single day. We envy you, all you bare eyed people out there!
Accident is when you sit on your glasses
And not a happy accident at all. The lesson it has helped me learn is: put your glasses neither on the couch nor on the pillow. Never. Our glasses are equivalent to any part of our body, and we can’t do without them. The faster you learn this, the better. It’ll save you a lot of trouble which transpires as a result of the infamous ‘unmindfulness’.
You can rarely get a picture clicked with the flash on
Remember to take your glasses off before posing for the lens because I’m assuming you don’t desire your eyes to resemble one of those CFL bulbs you have at home. Glasses are aces at ruining photographs. Even the perfect dress and the perfect background can’t undo the effect of glasses behind the camera.
Glasses or sunglasses?
Do you want to see or do you want to look good? Choosing is easier said than done. It’s not like, ‘Which ice cream flavor do you want? Chocolate or strawberry?’ Your fetish for sunglasses is ordinarily made to linger till you get contacts. For now, you can only mollify yourself with complimenting your friend’s sun-glass and openly envying her.
The annoyance called ‘glasses got loose’
Suppose you are to raise your middle finger to your nose and lift your glasses every four minutes. How would that make you feel? Irritated? Infuriated? Glasses make sure that they leave no stone unturned to get on your nerves. But how do they do it? You can hate them with all your heart but you can’t live without them and they know it. It’s a love hate relationship.
Mascara is no longer fun
How can it be when your eyelashes keep bumping against your glasses (provided that you haven’t particularly intended your mascara to serve your glasses with teeny tiny black blots)? Glasses are mean because they have an affinity for displaying their expertise at ruining your make up.
Blessed are those who come to us and ask, “Can I try your glasses?” After you affirm, they either ask you how do they look or how come you are so blind (and then take them out as quickly as they can to save themselves from going blind). Well, we can’t really answer the first question since we can’t see how they look. To the second question, all we generally give is the helpless shrug.There are yet others who when they see you bare eyed, will jump to exclaim something on the lines of, “Gosh I never knew you’re so beautiful!” Not flattering. The light at the end of the tunnel comes in the shape of Lasik surgery. Even then, the safety of my eyes would be a major hurdle for me. What’s your chemistry with your glasses like? Care to share?