The concept of love and relationships have been romanticised since Adam and Eve. Fairytales, movies, novels all have a romantic element to them. Everyone is always in search of their ‘happily ever after’. When they fail to find this misconstrued conception, they tend to blame it on their own inhibitions, which are most of the time, figments of their imagination. For example, ‘I’m not good enough.’, ‘I’m too needy.’, ‘Maybe if I lost some weight?’. The key to everything is confidence. Cinderella would still be working for her cruel step-mother if she didn’t have the confidence to look her Prince in the eye, and make him accept her the way she was. Flawed, but beautiful. Here’s how you can find it in yourself to get out there and get your true love.
10. Stop looking for it
When you’re not looking for something, it’s always right in front of your eyes, but as soon as you need it and start looking for it, *poof*, it vanishes. Give your heart and brain a rest, let it come to you. You don’t have to get out there and rack your brain as to why you’re not getting someone. Live by the motto ‘what’s meant to be will be’. Once you stop trying too hard to find your mate, the process will seem easier as well without the unwanted and unnecessary pressures you put on yourself as to why he/she hasn’t come to you yet.
9. YOU come first
Use this alone time to focus on yourself, your interests, passions, hobbies, and so on. Always remember, that you should have no problem spending time with yourself. Make sure you’re your best friend. You should come first. Put your needs before everything else, because you are most important. If you do not respect yourself, it gives others the lisence to disrespect you. Learn how to appreciate yourself and your love life will flourish due to your new found confidence.
8. Be content with what you have
Never try to compare your situation with a friend, family member, anyone you know. This, along with lowering your self esteem, will result in a negative feeling toward the person you compare yourself with. Be happy, SMILE. Know that what you have is enough and anything above and beyond that would be a bonus. Don’t be afraid to set the bar limit. Expectations are a must. These expectations will help you to not settle for anything less than you deserve.
7. Don’t force it
If you feel your current relationship or love interest is not working it, and more importantly, if you are not happy in your situation, get out of it! Never settle for what you have thinking this is the best you’ll probably get. If feelings of distrust, frustration, sadness or anger are the more frequent or dominant emotions you feel with your significant other, make sure you find the courage within yourself to put an end to it. This will help reduce the negative in your life to make way for the positive.
6. Imaginary scenarios are a no no
Expectations are a must, however when they turn unrealistic, they lead to only disappointments. Imagining scenarios with even a person you know, is just that: IMAGINATION. Do not have unrealistic expectations of how the person should, would, could behave in situations. You would be living in a fairytale where true love’s kiss is the most powerful thing in the world and anything more evil than a stepmother, fails to exist. Learn how to face your reality.
5. Being reckless is not always a bad thing
Don’t be afraid to take chances. It might not always be a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s mandatory to let your hair down and loosen the virtual chains you bind yourself with. However, learn how to maintain a balance. If you fail to do that, it will most certainly end with heartache. Be free enough so that you are able to achieve a little relieve of tension from your daily stresses, but not so much so that you sideline your responsibilities. Take chances with people, let go of some of the unnecessary boundaries and you may just end up with your soul mate.
4. Learn to let people in
Most people, including me, are all but born with a brick wall surrounding them. Let those walls down and don’t be afraid to give someone the upper hand. They may just take care of you and treat you like never before. If you fail to let people in, no one will know you enough to truly love you. A person doesn’t love you only at your best, they love you when despite knowing your flaws and follies, past mistakes and heartbreaks, they choose to be with you and stand by you.
3. Have patience
Rome was not built in a day. A healthy relationship takes time to evolve. The honeymoon period won’t last for long so you have to brace yourself for the fights and arguments, the jealousy and insecurity. Be patient with your significant other because this phase will pass and it will pave the way for a strong bond, surpassing most others. Similarly, if you don’t seem to have a relationship to begin with, give it time. You will find someone who fulfills each and every critera that romantic movies seem to portray.
2. Have faith
Believing and having faith in what is to come is most important. It makes the process of achieving something that much easier. Trust in yourself to find someone worthy of you, not the other way around. Keep your head high, for there is much to learn grasshopper. Make sure your partner has their priorities set straight, and be sure that you come somewhere at the top of that list.
1. Try to find your best friend in your partner
As clichèd as it sounds, finding your best friend in your partner is probably the best thing that could happen. Maybe your best friend right now IS your ideal soulmate. Someone you can joke around with and make fun of along with having him/her as your pillar and shoulder to cry on isn’t someone you should let go of anytime soon.
True love is not something which can be aquired at the drop of a hat. It needs commitment and perseverance. True love may be difficult to find, but it’s definitely not impossible. If it feels like something is not working out, there’s probably a reason which can be fixed. If not, getting out of it would be that much easier. Make your new year resolutions centring yourself. Try to improve your flaws but always remember, they make you who you are. Don’t shut out the idea of true love completely if some aspects of your love life seem to not be working. Being true and loving yourself first comes before trying to please the needs of another individual.