It should be legitimate to declare friendzone the modern day concentration camps. The ability of females to create two distinct terms, namely- best boyfriend and boy best friend, has taken many lives and drawn many soulful romantics to the brinks of hopelessness. So, here is a list of 10 things that indicate that you are in a friendzone, or about to get into it. Please drop your comments if you differ or even agree. Here it goes-
10. Which dress suits me more?
Did she just ask you that very question? Congratulations, MR. President of United States of friendzone.If she asks this to you, and she isn’t your girlfriend…then isn’t even ever going to be. Listen, here is the golden rule – “if she is willing to show her imperfect, uncouth and unpolished shades to you, then she has already made up her mind that she doesn’t have to impress you” .you have been taken for granted. Your opinion matters as much as her female friend’s (she said that you are her best friend? great, lick those words).She doesn’t want to know that if you like it or not, her female psych is just seeking some genuine opinions (read compliments) from the opposite gender; Whose criticism won’t defeat any purpose.
9. Should I send this pic to him?
If she asks you this deadly opinion seeking question, then you might be feeling delighted about the comfort level you people share. But hold on, bring back that poker face. You are just one of the soldiers of her troop (including her “tell us more” girlfriends) whose mission is to impress some other guy. That some guy might be your present mission rival or future source of envy that smooches your muse 7 times a week. You aren’t just getting friendzoned you are also being made to watch your manhood get destroyed.
p.s: but you still get to keep those pictures. Good for you and the bartender.
8. Wait..he is calling
So here is the situation. Its 10 p.m on the clock and you feel vibrations on your phone. You feel like the local Johnny depp because the female whom you fancy is calling you up. Elated, you pick up the phone only to listen that “i have real important stuff to tell, please call back, I don’t have enough balance”. You don’t like it much, but your brain is nothing but a blob of muscle when you are in love and then you call her up. The chatterbox goes on she’l tell you every unimportant detail of her unimportant stories…And just when you where getting interested, just when you had a nice moment to showcase your sense of humour, just when you had your romantic genius mode activated..That diabolic creature, named boyfriend, who hardly calls her up is all in the mood to ruin your chances whatsoever. Don’t even strain your mind to fantasize a situation in which she would reject his call to let you continue your display of wit. She would say “wait.. he is calling, I’ll call you later”, don’t be sad.. Come-on he is the boyfriend and dude.. you are just friendzoned.
7. Can you talk to him?
In story where she already has a boyfriend and you are struggling your way to replace him in her life, then I’ll tell you when you should find your fate sealed in the territory of friendzoneville. Did she just have a dirty argument with her? (You smile) did they stop talking (your smile gets wider) and then they broke up (you are almost there) then suddenly one night she asks you that question “can you talk to him and mend things?”… And you lie there soul shattered. You agree (as if you had a choice..Man, you are friendzoned)
Honourable mentions: can you arrange us a date? Can you help me pick up a gift? Can you…any frickin thing?
6. She is not your type!!
Friends, let me show you the beauty of friendzone. She would not let herself be your girl. But that’s not all; she would not let any other girl be yours as well. Here you are, single.. Frustrated.. Seeking some love life in your stars. You approach your best-female-friend (you have earned it) to find you a girlfriend, admitting your incapability to escape the friendzone. But I’ll tell you what, she would NOT do it. Why? No, don’t get your hopeful lover mode activated, she doesn’t love you, she just hates to share you. Not like some boyfriend, but like a personal minion. Okay, i am getting too harsh.. But she would be jealous if you would share that closeness with any other female. Happy friendzone!
5. Why didn’t you like it on facebook???
Welcome to facebook! ! You are added as her close friend.. You know those golden stars and everything. You are glad. She posts a picture of her, something like a selfie with extraterrestrial gestures and expressions and you are busy drooling.. You like her picture, everything is fine. Then you post something funny, everyone likes it , everyone but her. Now you are burning in the scorching flames of ego and self doubt. You pledge to yourself that you are not going to like anything that comes from her account. Then she texts you with the most heart melting emoticons asking you that why didn’t you like her latest profile picture. You try with some tough sounding replies, but pity, you succumb to you love. Snap! you are friendzoned. Remember, these questions are nothing but a trap, if you are willing to survive them; you might just escape the friendzone.
4. Let’s get drunk..!
Now that’s a trick question. If it has been a couple of weeks since you people know each other, then it’s a positive sign. You have evaded the friendzone demon. But if you people know each other for more than 4-5 months, then stop being happy that she just might confess her love and you people end up having sex.She is asking you because she finds you a “safe” companion to meet her risky desires. Safe means friend, and friend means friendzoned. Yeah, but then again, if you are a dedicated smart ass loving rascal, you can turn that drunk situation in your advantage and make her fall in love with you.
3. Nice, sweet, cute…!
This is the legitimate father of all symptoms of being friendzoned. If the adjectives that she uses in her compliments for you are mostly (all of the time) either “nice” , ”sweet” or “cute” then there are two possibilities. Either she has a genuinely pathetic vocabulary or she doesn’t. If the former is false, then I must welcome you to the friendzone. The science behind this conclusion is the mindset behind a compliment. If you actually want to impress someone, you tend to search the nook and corners of your vocabulary and find that one word that makes you look unique. But if it is just your best male friend then why to make a linguistically testing effort. Call him cute, call him sweet and obviously, call him cute.. Like a puppy. Everyone wins. Almost everyone.
2. Why isn’t he like you?
I wanted a boyfriend EXACTLY like you (but not you, obviously). Why isn’t he like you (Because I am like myself, you moron). You are simply awesome; any girl would love to be yours (me? No I am not a girl, I am an alien from Venus, probably some goddess) when you find yourself reeling under those excruciatingly irritating question then is the very moment that there is a well secured permanent seat of yours in the friendzoneland’s parliament. She would always give you this hope by asking these questions but don’t feel relieved; you are never going to make it. You are no ron weasley . You can someday just try saying her in a whispering voice “me and him are the same person..Have you ever seen both of us at the same time?
1. I love you…..Like a friend
Welcome the terrorist. This statement right here is one of those few lines that can give you all of those smiles that you wished for and the next moment kick you hard below your.. you know what. “I LOVE YOU..LIKE A FRIEND” should get the award for being the most cunningly designed statements that maintains the equilibrium between hope and hopelessness. You will read it over and over. Smile like you almost did it, but believe it or not….. This is the final seal of your detention to the dooms of THE FRIENDZONE.
PLACEBO: she might be afraid to confess her love… lol, whom am I kidding at