It’s often said that marriages are made in heaven. While it may be true for most people out there, some people aren’t so lucky in finding their partners. Divorce rates have been going higher with passing time, and it seems like either people are making the wrong choices, or don’t have the determination and patience to work on their crumbling relationships. Sometimes, even despite putting in the best efforts, even the surest of people aren’t able to work out things between them. Let’s have a look at why even the most romantic and flexible people today aren’t living the dream of ‘marital bliss’.
- Miscommunication or a lack of communication between the partners.
Sadly what happens in a marriage is that partners stop communicating their feelings, thoughts, ideas, and issues with each other. Sometimes this may be deliberate and sometimes, it’s a result of a partner taking the other for granted. Whenever you take someone for granted, you tend to forget that the other person might be going through a whirlwind of emotions and you’re too lost in your own problems to see that. When spouses stop putting efforts into communicating, even harmless acts are misinterpreted by suspecting partners. Also, lack of communication creates a sense of distrust and frustration.
- Professional takes precedence over personal life all the time.
Yes, we all know how important our professional commitments are. But, overworked individuals tend to prioritise their work over everything else. As a result, spouses don’t find time for each other. Of course it can be argued that after all, we work hard so that we can live a comfortable life and enjoy the income not only for ourselves, but for our partners as well. But, think about it- is it really worth it when you find no time to enjoy the benefits with your better half? What’s the point of coming home to an empty house, tired and uninterested every time?
- Interference of in-laws and other family members from the extended family.
This especially applies to marriages in India! No matter how much we try to progress as a society, people just can’t stop butting in the private affairs of a couple. Sure, we revere at the sanctity of ‘marriage’ as an institution as it’s deep-rooted in our culture and family unity is something that has been an essential characteristic of the Indians. It’s a common belief in India that marriages take place not only to tie two people in a sacrosanct relationship, but it’s also the coming together of two families. But the problem begins when others start interfering in the private matters of a couple. Respecting our elders is one thing, but letting them have too much of a say in every matter can be quite unhealthy for a marriage to work. Partners find it hard to juggle between what their better halves want and what their elders want. In a clash of cultures and ideas, ultimately the marriage suffers.
- Not spending quality time with each other.
We get so caught up with other priorities, that we forget that we need to spend quality time with our partners as well! We give time to our work, family, and even friends, but we start taking the time spent with our partners for granted. As time passes, spouses start drifting apart because they make time for everyone else but themselves. A relationship thrives on regular communication and efforts to keep the strength of the relationship intact. This is not possible if you become stagnant in your marriage and expect everything to always be great even though you aren’t doing much to make it fine. Don’t be surprised if your partner puts their foot down and decide that they’ve had enough.
- Putting too much pressure on your partners when they aren’t ready to commit.
Everyone doesn’t necessarily get ready to take the plunge at the same time. It’s not necessary that if a partner isn’t willing to get married right away then, they’re not in love with you anymore. It might simply mean that they want more time to think things through, which is totally all right. Don’t presume the worst when your partners demand a little more time. Oftentimes, partners who’re ready to take the plunge force their coax their better halves into giving in, even if they don’t feel that they’re quite ready for it. This leads to the trouble in paradise as couples realise that maybe they should’ve waited a little longer.
- Taking impulsive decisions.
Acting on an impulse may be a lot of fun but it’s necessary to remember that marriage is not an adventurous trek. It’s a big step forward and needs careful consideration. Partners must view the prospect from every angle and then take an informed decision. Passion wears off early and after that, what we are left with is, trust and patience. Those willing to take the step must wait it out to see if they are indeed able to stand with each other in difficult times, not just in the happier ones.
- Unable to plan the expenses of the household properly.
Contrary to a lot of social media posts, marriage isn’t only about watching Netflix at home while eating the pizza you ordered, since you were too lazy to cook. Once married, you’re expected to run a house together and pay the electricity bills, phone bills, house rent, taxes, and other necessities. Two people have to work together to ensure they have first paid off their equal shares of the recurring household expenditures before they splurge their income on luxuries they can’t afford. Poor management of money leads to repeated arguments, which leads to the weakening of the relationship.
- Total self-absorption in own career goals, while ignoring those of your partner’s.
It’s great to be focused on your career goals and work hard towards it. What a partner needs to remember, however, is that their better halves are equally invested in their own professional lives. If one person starts only thinking about his own career growth and takes decisions, which may be detrimental to the growth of the other partner’s professional life, a deep rift may be created. Before taking big decisions, such as shifting base for your work requirement, it’s important to know how your partner feels and if they will be able to do it or not. People often impose their choices on their partners and assume that they will follow them, which is quite selfish.
- Refusal to compromise and meet midway in case of differing opinions.
No matter how well two people understand each other, individuals may still be fundamentally different in their thought processes and have varying differing opinions. While you shouldn’t give up on your ideals and principles as they stand for your individuality, but in some circumstances, it’s important to meet midway to reach a neutral solution. If partners decide to be stubborn at every point, no scope of reconciliation is left.
- Extramarital affairs.
The most dreaded, and commonly occurring reason for marriages to fall apart. When couples are going through a rough patch, they often find solace in someone else. Or maybe, some people get too bored and look for a change. Whatever may be the reason, if you’ve been caught cheating, chances are that you’ve lost your partner for good. Having an affair have ended a lot of marriages, as those who’ve been cheated upon find it difficult to trust again, or people find that they share a better equation with the person they met outside of their marriage.
At the end of the day, the decision to get married is a personal one. While some people don’t believe in its sanctity, for many it’s still a very special relationship. Those who are very much in love and want to stay together for life are more than willing to tie the knot. But, it’s crucial to take the decision wisely, as divorces are mentally and emotionally draining, and impacts negatively the partners involved as well as those around them, especially children. Take your decisions carefully, and work towards building a healthy and long-lasting marriage.