Ahoy there mate! Pardon me in advance for the fact that you are having to read this article. My heartfelt condolences go out to you. However, for reasons other than your relationship going south, feel free to get the maximum amusement out of it!
Yes, I agree that relationships do tend to get monotonous at times- almost to the point of extinction of mirthful existence. Having to put up with that nagging laughter, or those dreary puppy eyes (for every silly little thing) or even her nosing around here and there (where only your nose should be!) can become a sore in the wrong place. So how do you tell that the time has come for you to call it quits? Things like these cannot be an exact science even though your guts burn you to the point of wishing that it was! At best, such things are treated ‘symptomatically’ because the collection would be an incurable disease. Read on to know more about when you can (and should) flee the dungeon to keep your sanity intact!
10. SHE SQUANDERS YOUR MONEY
God help you if you are stuck with such a woman. Chivalry, they believe, is a compulsive obsession every guy must possess. You eat a meal, you’re axed. You go shopping, you’re axed. You talk on the phone…can there BE anyone else who can be axed?
Worse still, you wish there would be poetic justice like Somerset Maugham speaks of in ‘The Luncheon’, but it remains just a fervid desire. If there is no involvement, not even an iota, of monetary generosity from her side, the signal is red and the kind that you should skip! Linger around long enough and slowly, but definitely steadily, you shall be losing weight without even setting foot in the gym!
9. SHE DEVELOPS A CONDESCENDING ATTITUDE
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, they say. And if that scorn makes a visit out of the blue, you’ve got reasons to sweat it, mate! If her temper changes from bad to nasty before you can say “I love you”, if her mood swings have become so frequent that they have stopped swinging, if her attitude has become such that she publicly disrespects you (worse, in front of your friends), then what are you waiting for? Chances are that she will dump you in the next few days! Save that last bit of self-respect remaining and cut the link while YOU still can! Or else, there will be none to cut.
8. DOESN’T LISTEN TO YOU- GOOD ADVICE OR NOT
You think it is cute indulgence, do you not? Or do you think it is adorable in a child-like manner? Wake up, mate! She doesn’t give a damn about your thoughts or your feelings. You ask her to eat timely, she replies “to hell with it…I’d rather blah blah blah”; you tell her to take care of herself, she replies “I’ll live life the way I please”. Trust me, the only good that can come out of this is that you will spend a ridiculous amount of words trying to convince her to see things the proper way, so much so that you’ll be ready to become a politician or a motivational speaker! If she intends to live life ‘her way’, take the cue and follow it to the letter.
7. SHE IS SNOOPING AROUND IN YOUR INBOX WAY TOO MUCH
There are barely any relationships in the world where the couple haven’t shared passwords of their mailboxes or FB accounts. While that is perfectly fine, what is not is the fact that she spends more time in yours than hers. The basic unit of a relationship is trust. And if this is something she indulges in time and again, say goodbye to your basic unit! More often than not this habit turns out to be an incurable disease because the woman cannot stay in peace without tracking every muscle movement of yours- who you talk with, when you talk with, why you talk with, in what manner you talk with…and on, and on! And if that were not enough, such inappropriate behaviour is inevitably followed by inappropriate questions. Easy way out- rid the girl, get some much-needed privacy. Your actions do not need round-the-clock explanation.
6. YOU AVOID HER CALLS BECAUSE HER VOICE ANNOYS YOU
Remember Janice from F.R.I.E.N.D.S? The unmistakable, high-pitched “Oh my God”? No wonder Chandler dumped her so many times! When in a relationship, you yearn for your girlfriend’s calls- you lose sleep if they do not come timely and you freak out if they start with “I’ve got something to tell you”. In short, your woman’s voice should be a tonic for any situation where you might be feeling down. But if her voice becomes the reason for your feeling down or, if you are someone who dreads receiving the call the moment you see that particular name flashing on your screen, your relationship has run a full-circle. And certainly not a one with a pleasant tail.
5. EXCUSES TO NOT MEET HER BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE HER COMPANY ANYMORE
Staunch romantics believe that the company of one’s woman is equivalent to divine company. Every moment that you spend together, every walk that you share, every hug that you have speaks of the connection you have that transcends the mere boundaries set by words. But, if you would rather spend time with your gang of dudes (getting drunk in a bar, for example) or spend time watching American Pie while your girlfriend wants you over at her place, there is either something wrong with your orientation or you have simply lost interest in the woman. And, each case being just as serious as the other, you should start considering the options where you can break it open in the softest way possible!
4. INCREASING FREQUENCY OF FIGHTS
Your relationship shouldn’t be the replica of a battleground. A little friction between the two of you is perfectly fine but if that friction is sufficient to burn things up, the time for affection is up. Don’t push it too far because, even before you know, she might’ve lodged a complaint against you for domestic violence. And going by the statistics of the same in our country (70% women are victims of it) chances are that you will be locked up without a damn given to your words.
3. SHE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HER PAST RELATIONSHIPS
She does this when you people are a couple of months into a relation, it is understandable; most girls have a tough time getting over their exes. But be on your guard if she makes this a habit. Worse still, if she insists on staying in touch with her ex-boyfriend(s), that is the death-knell for you guys. For what reason women do this, we men know not; do women not understand that it can jeopardize their present relation? If they do, do they not care? If they do not care, why did they bother to get into a relation in the first place? No person can love two people at the same time (forget whatever gold-plated poop that Twilight feeds you). If her inclination towards her past is threatening to tilt your relationship out of balance, the time has come for you to show her the door.
2. GETTING PHYSICAL HAS BECOME A RARITY
Let’s face the facts- no relationship can be healthy without a fair dose of physical intimacy. You cuddle, you lock lips, you get intimate over a magical night- all are essential ingredients for a happy relationship. That said, it wouldn’t take a rocket-scientist to figure out that absence of intimacy is a sign that the relationship needs revival. And quick! And if revival isn’t possible, either because she keeps dangling intimacy as a reward for favours or because you have lost interest, get out of the hell-hole as soon as possible.
1. CHEATS ON YOU/ HANGS OUT WITH AN UNCOMFORTABLE NUMBER OF GUYS
Either one of the above mentioned signs and you are at rock-bottom. For reasons best known to her, you have been utterly unable to fill-in certain voids which other guys apparently are! Never has there been a more unpardonable act in a relationship; and even if she isn’t explicitly cheating on you, going out with guys too frequently (almost to the point of being obnoxious) isn’t any angelic deed either. The only way out? Scoot! While you still can protect your emotions.
For a relation that has come to down to such an instance where points have to guide it along is a relation with all meaning lost. There can be, sadly, no intermediate state where the heart is concerned- it is either a happy involvement or a sad sore. Funny as they may sound, the above points are all instances of the inherent whimsicality and the all-assuming nature of human beings.